| love- my book |
[28 Aug 2010|03:22pm] |
Have you ever been inspired? Have you ever felt pure passion about something or someone? I have. And this is my tale. No bullshit. Just unfiltered life tale about a girl who wanted to share her story.
There are always movies about dancers, singers, actors, and artists. The fame and the fortune. It's always a struggle to "make it". But all those people have passion. Without passion, we'd all be lifeless zombies just living each day programmed to repeat til death. They all felt something spark within them. Those with passion are the lucky ones.
But it is not only those jobs who get to truly live their life. It does not have to be a flashy job or lifestyle. It's amazing how being a teacher can be your calling. seeing passion in others is inspiring.
Inspiration can be found anytime, anywhere, and anyplace. It just depends what you do with that feeling. To me, being inspired feels like when someone cries at a movie, they are so overwhelmed with emotion that they cannot help but feel. I love that. I love giving into emotions completely which can be both a blessing and a curse. Emotions versus mind, emotions win every time. Because one does not experience life by giving up what you truly want and feel.
I once chose mind over emotions. I convinced myself what is "right' is better than to feel my real emotions. I used to be an avid Buffy fan. I would watch it every single days and sometimes more than one episode. I was able to escape in the storyline. I admired how strong a girl could be yet fall weak to love. One of her loves was Angel and one episode he spoke of passion. It really affected me and my outlook on life. He said:
"Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us, guides us, passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead."
We cannot always control passion but it's something we all must find and hold on to. Passion and love are similar to me. It's something we must experience or we'd be incomplete.
I want to write about love. But is there a right way to go about talking of love? Is there a wrong way? It's different to everybody and they all have different definitions. But i think it's a universal feeling. we don't have to understand or define it. We just love.
I love love. I could care less about the people who do not believe in love. I mean why wouldn't you want to believe in it? I mean I don't believe it happens like it does in the movies. But that doesn't stop me from wanting the fairytale. Love is just a part of life. Hell, it can even be the meaning of life. It's this one emotion that complete a whole person. Scientists and those who just believe in logic may say love is just a chemical reaction in the brain but i believe it's much more than that.
Do soulmates exist? Is fate real? Do we all have a destiny to follow? It doesn't matter. What matters is that when we find love that we don't worry about that. We become completely lost in love. Though there may be heartbreak, though sometimes it might not work out, we become a different person because of love. It may be cheesy or cliche, but it's better to have loved and lost someone rather than never experience it at all. We must open ourselves up to the chance of love or we're truly missing out.
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| i use this as my emotions diary haha |
[26 Mar 2010|12:54am] |
i constantly struggle with what i'm feeling, who i am, and feel completely clueless about my future. each day i continue to figure myself out bit by bit hoping that one day i'll find out my true calling in life and how to deal with whatever life brings me. i ask questions like ''why aren't i in love?, why don't you just let yourself stay happy?"
my thoughts go a mile a minute. it's constantly changing. i realize that my emotions can be very extreme sometimes. but for the past few months i've just felt numb. i lay here listening to music for hours. clearing my mind about absolutely everything. i've been alone. i am not unhappy though because i know i brought it onto myself. lately i just haven't felt the need for new connections.
i love my high school friends. i question if i'm cut for college. i wonder if i made the right choice going to uic. i've always felt the decision was made for me. i've gotten a little better about liking the city though. but i've gone home most of the weekends this semester. it just feels right when i'm at home. when i'm home just hanging out with my friends, i feel something. i feel happy. it doesn't matter if we're just sitting on the couch watching some movie or out to eat, i feel at home with them. i know at college you're supposed to expand your circle of friends and make more connections. yet i'm scared to let someone in who doesn't already know my history and where i'm coming from.
even though i may act conceited, i find i am insecure. i have many fears. i haven't taken any big risks lately, maybe that's why i've been so numb, just existing here. i worry about my future. it makes me uneasy knowing that i don't really know anything. it amazes me how old we are now. our childhood is gone and it's finally time to grow up. i still don't think i'm ready. i feel if i spent too much time "figuring life out" i'll miss out on actually living life.
i've had my heart feel like it was breaking. yet, i'm not sure if i've been in love. cuz who knows what real love is anyway? but that's one risk i want to take. i want to fall in love. i want to connect with someone on a deeper level. i want to know their fears and secrets. that would mean i have to go out much more. drinking is fun and all. but i just feel i embarrass myself and people don't get to see who i normally am. i'm okay with smoking though. it allows you to open up your brain to things you usually do not notice. you connect with earth and life and anything around you.
i gave up facebook and pop for lent. i had stopped using my facebook 10 days prior to ash wednesday though. at times i feel out of the loop and not connected to friends because of it. but most of the time i find it unnecessary to go on. i still talk to my close friends. i've grown used to not creeping.
this semester has been very different from last. i went home all the time, i hardly drank, i quit apo, i stopped going to fia meetings and fia cultural. it's been a very me centered time. it was time to focus on school and myself. yet i believe i still did not do very well with school but i've learned a bit about how to be by myself. it's not over yet so maybe things will change as the weather gets better. all i know is that i cannot wait for summer. i cannot believe time has just flown by so quickly.
enjoy the rest of first year of college! we've all definitely grown up. how scary.
love,
Lani Ja9
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[31 Jan 2010|12:31am] |
feelings.
Today I hung out with CS. Most people would think this was a bad move and don't really understand my reasoning behind it. But I don't really think I need a reason to justify my actions. Though, I was nervous before and questioning myself if this was a good idea. Ultimately, it was my decision and I felt the need to catch up. I wanted to clear the air. I wanted to prove to myself that we can be friends. I just needed a break from the real world for a moment.
And the hangout was totally fine. Not awkward at all. It just felt like old times really. It was nice just to have another person to talk to who knew me. I do love hearing myself talk especially when I have my sick voice. I got to catch up with an old friend and CS even treated me to a movie. (Kristen Bell is cute in When in Rome, btw!)
Sometimes I do feel stuck in high school. I loved high school. I do miss it. I miss all my friends still. I have no problem with my life though. Maybe it's my inability to trust happiness and stability. I always feel there is some drama lurking about.
edit----i never finish my posts and end up leaving them private and my feelings usually change somewhat. i'll update about my life some other time soon.
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| change |
[22 Nov 2009|03:02am] |
i must admit. i have grown to like it at uic. i suppose i really did just need to give it more of a chance. i've actually made friends. i didn't do as well as i wanted for the school part though. my brother chris wrote me a letter and i didn't know he was going to do that. it was extremely cute and touching. it made me cry. and it made me feel better about the whole college thing and making friends and being happy.
for the most part i am at happy at the moment. currently i am sitting alone in my room listening to john mayer, and you'd think i'd feel sad. it's usually what i do when i'm sad, just listen to music and lay in bed. but i'm actually feeling content with my life. though happiness has been a constant problem for me, i realize you can change that if you want. i have a more positive outlook on life and am happier with myself as a person. i'm not sayin' i'm perfect but i know what i deserve and at the end of the day, i am proud of who i am.
i do have my faults. i still get jealous of people. i can be greedy. i may put my friends above myself. but it's something i'm working on. people are people. we're all just works in progress. we're constantly growing up as much as we can try to fight it, change is inevitable.
a new year is approaching, i could make new year's resolutions. but i know they are usually forgotten halfway through the year. i do hope for the best. i believe life will just continually get better.
love,
Lani Ja9
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| sad |
[03 Nov 2009|04:07am] |
Well transferring is out of the picture. I brought it up today when my mom visited. Then the idea was shot down by the entire family. And they made fun of me and told me to suck it up. that i was being a baby. my mom said "college is not for making friends but even your brother made friends. he didn't have any friends in high school but look at him now. i don't know how you aren't making friends..." then they continued to make fun of me asking if i wanted to switch cuz of a boy. but then they were like oh that would mean you actually talk to boys. or maybe you're switching for a girl. oh do you love jessica?
what.the.fuck.
I was really really upset earlier about this earlier. cuz they don't understand why i can't jus make new friends here. And I really don't like how they joke about girls to me! LIKE WTFFF like even my mom! Makes no sense.
I watched a romantic comedy about switching bodies though. It was incredibly embarrassing but i found it really cute. it was funny cuz an hour into it i yelled UNREALISTIC at this one part. and my brother was like wtf? really? you say that now about a movie about swaping bodies? SWAPPING BODIES!? lol i think it could happen though. I wonder who i would switch with. Interesting thing to think about!
well short update. it's currently 416am. i was debating watching yet another romantic comedy cuz they make me feel happy yet sad at the sad time. haha but i guess it's late and i probably should sleep like normal people do.
ps. i like crying to acoustic guitar songs at 4 in the morning.
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| time |
[27 Oct 2009|01:40am] |
I feel in a funk and what better way to get out of it (or just complain) than to blog it out!
I feel lonely. Many people have told me how they are thinking about transferring. I wish I could. I have been looking into it. I do not know if it would be practical for me too though considering all the money that would be spend doing so. UIC is relatively cheap and we didn't even have enough money to pay for it really. But I am unhappy here. I have been for a while but I try to convince myself that I like it. It's okay here, just tolerable. But I do not want to spend 4 ( or however many I am going to be here )years of just tolerable. I want it to be enjoyable. I want to be happy in what I am doing. Instead I am constantly stressed and don't know if I'm cut out for the whole college thing. I'm not even sure about my major anymore. Chemistry is extremely difficult for me and I know I am failing. I would like to go into Pharmacy. But I cannot say I am passionate about it. I have always been uncomfortable with science but felt pressured into going into the medical field. I think if i had to choose, i am leaning toward Dentistry. I still have to take chemistry but at least i'd look forward to dentistry school rather than worry about getting into Pharmacy School. I'm in no way saying dentistry is an easy way out, it's probably equally hard ( it does have the highest suicide rate ) I'm just having a really hard time adjusting. I have no friends here still. I don't have free time to just relax. It's getting to be too much for me.
The fuse to make me angry is so short now. I am easily agitated because of my lack of sleep and massive amount of work I constantly have to do. UIC is so dead at night. Probably because it's so scary to go out once it gets dark. Most people go home on the weekend. As much as I love the city, I realize I was not looking for a city experience just yet. I wanted a college experience. I was looking into transferring to either u of i or isu. But I doubt my mom would let me switch. Hopefully it gets better soon. Because i feel like i'm running on empty. Time is really hard to manage. I feel there is never enough time to do everything.
College is too hard. I'm not cut out for this.
Maybe it was just too big of a change for me. But yet, it kinda feels the same. I'm just with my family much more now. My mom comes every so often too. Maybe it's just that i miss my friends. I don't know. I just am very unhappy here.
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| College |
[30 Sep 2009|12:48am] |
As I sit here listening to old Jason Mraz and rereading old posts, I realize not much has changed. I do feel as if I am a different person. My hair is longer, I live in Chicago, I go to college, UIC. Yet at the same time, still feel the same feelings. Still awkward, still making the same facial expressions, still obsessive.
It makes me wonder if I do learn from my previous life experiences or just recycle the process. I would like to think I am a better and newer person than I was freshman year of high school, which actually feels like ages ago, yet I can still remember like it was yesterday. Isn't it weird that we're done with high school? It's all just a memory now.
I loved high school. Yup, I'm one of those people. I'm sure I'll learn to love college as well. But I honestly believe at this point, high school is where I met some of the coolest and greatest people I am be blessed to know. (shout out to best friends here) I hope I am not forgotten.
College has been okay don't get me wrong. It's just not the same. And it's hard not to miss everybody. Only a month and more has passed so I mustn't be quick to make my judgment. Maybe my best college friend is out there and I just haven't stepped out of my box enough to find them. Who knows? I do appreciate the change in times for classes and extra free time. But I feel I spend most of it alone. It's forcing me to try to be more independent. I do not know how I feel about this. Classes can be stressful and it's all on me to succeed. It makes me question my ability and my intelligence. Sometimes I just don't believe I'm cut out for this. Sometimes I want to change my whole path I'm currently on. This is a windy city, I feel I'm being blown in different directions. I'm just unsure about my life. College has opened up my eyes to this.
I find myself sitting alone, jealous as I hear of my friends having all this fun without me. I guess I bring this on myself though. I did join FIA and APO because I wanted friends. Hopefully that works out for the best. I also have a lab job and hope I can manage my time. I just feel I put too much on my plate but I don't have the time and capacity to eat it all.
If you are reading this, it sounds as if I am depressed, this is not true. I am completely fine. There are just something that could improve. I just am reevaluating my whole life right now. One thing that will never change about me is that I still don't know what love is. The lines are always blurred. But somehow my heart always get broken. Obsession just runs through my blood. I've experienced rejection multiple times. It's a wonder how I always manage to just start up a new obsession. Maybe it's just how I cope with life. I continue to put myself out there. I think I secretly set myself up for failure when it comes to love. I always have to make it challenge. Sometimes I feel the reason I chose the people I like (girls) is because I know it's impossible for them to like me back. So it's okay if they don't. Cuz if I liked people I was supposed to (boys) then it'd sadden me to know they just didn't like who I really was.
It's weird that a majority of the time, I forget that I was even friends with the people I thought I loved. At the time I really did feel for them. Now they don't even pop up in my head. But I will admit with if a certain song or past memory comes up, a mixture of sadness and happiness both surrounds my heart. It's as if a hand is holding my heart, warming it yet tugging at the same time.
It's so hard to meet up with old friends. Schedules conflict. There's no free time for that. It's not as easy as I'm used to. As much as I talk to my friends, I'm still scared some of them will just fade away into a whole another picture.
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for the change. It's pretty nice to be able to choose what you want and not want to do. I think college is putting things into a new perspective. It's taking me a while to get into the groove of things.
So I'm sure everybody else is feeling the whole college thing. I'm slowly getting there, I'm just taking my time.
Farewell childhood. Hello independence. Never thought I'd meet you so soon. Time really does just fly by.
Love me,
Leilani Janine.
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| this year |
[01 Mar 2009|06:40pm] |
has been going by so quickly
it's kinda frightening!
i spend so much of it sleeping.
hmm i got into a car accident last monday
how crazy! i seriously have the worse luck with cars
but it's all good now. i just got cut by the seat belt and have bruises
what else? i'm pretty happy i think
i've been keepin' busy and have wonderful friends
i just can't wait for warm weather
i'm tired of the cold already! bleh.
i learned actions really do speak louder than words.
i've just learned a lot of things.
well a short post. i don't really have a memory of things anymore lol
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| last semester of high school |
[06 Jan 2009|12:16am] |
winter break ends
this break was good i think.
lots of eating, sleeping, and doing nothing.
party here and there.
saw handful of friends
it was pretty good!
as break ends, the new year begins.
it's a new beginning!
i deleted all my old texts.
i deleted her number.
it's all closed, time to move on.
let's go!
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| hey! |
[21 Dec 2008|11:13am] |
sorry for being so sad lately
i'm okay now
family and love stuff, ha gross.
haha whoops for that momentary stage of depression
lol i did go through a lot of stuff this semester
i'm done with it all though.
i'm going to forget about you.
even though you're a jerk and don't even give me any closure
i guess you don't even care about me enough to do that
i guess i was wrong about you
you don't deserve this christmas present i got you
i'll still have regrets not doing anything from time to time
but i guess we're done now and i'm not sorry for anything i've ever said.
i don't want to like anybody anymore.
i'm just gonna take life as it is now.
i don't want to become obsessed with anything.
i'm just going to be a typical high school senior
and party a lot because people should have fun!
so have a pleasant holiday season all!
enjoy it! :]
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[09 Dec 2008|11:38pm] |
i just wish i cared..
about anything, anyone, my future, school, myself.
but i just don't.
and i don't feel like i can.
i don't feel anything.
everything is fake or just temporary.
i'm only capable of feeling hurt.
i'm just so tired.
sorry for complaining.
i have nothing to feel sad about.
sometimes i think something is wrong with my brain.
but i refuse to believe it.
ha, just being stupid i guess.
sorry, friends!
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| i know |
[19 Nov 2008|11:57pm] |
you like me too.
i regret not doing anything that night.
did i miss my chance?
i think if we keep going the way we are now
they'll be more chances
and i just hope that's okay.
i love you.
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| birthday |
[12 Nov 2008|09:29pm] |
a lot has happened but too much to type
today is my 18th birthday.
i feel old!
yet today was really good, i felt very special
i was wished happy birthday by many :]]
i feel very loved
tonight was also tennis awards night
and i made a cute song saying how much i'll miss it
it's officially over.
it's bittersweet.
i'm very sad it's over.
i love tennis and the people in it.
i'm very happy to have made it to state
and i'll never forget this whole tennis experience.
thank you if you wished me a happy birthday!
it's been a great day and a great birthday.
:]
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| ha |
[21 Sep 2008|12:36am] |
well i reread my tennis rant
wow i sure was angry eh?
it's so funny now cuz i actually like the twins a lot now
they're my friends now! ha wow i'm weird right?
i feel bad cuz i used to talk bad about them
but i've grown to actually care a lot for both of them
they're both such different people too!
i wish they liked each other more though so it's less awkward sometimes
especially when they fight and such
i've slept over their house like twice
and went there for like a whole week after school when there wasn't tennis
lol i'm so silly but i don't care
it's fun! we just eat and watch game show network.
they actually talk a lot even though others do not think so.
they're like my new obsession.
a lot of people say they're the "new tay"
and sometimes my best friends get reallly mad cuz i do get obsessions
but i realize that's just how i work
i need these obsessions to go on
haha i just hate how they treated it like an aubrey thing when it's a completely different situation
tennis is pretty fun though. our team can have some drama i guess
but it's mostly just fun
life has been okay lately
i can get really emotional but everything works out in the end
i love saturday tournaments, a day full of tennis and team bonding!
ha wow i would just post about the twins lol
but really i do love alex and courtney!
i love tennis.
i do miss my other friends a lot too though i must admit
i haven't seen them out of school in a while
homecoming should be fun though! :]
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| tennis rant |
[24 Aug 2008|09:45am] |
school started
we're old.
seniors ahhh
tennis is bogus
me and joyce are only number 2 doubles
when we're supposed to be fucking 1
but no just because one day we play like shit
and fucking juniors fucking steal our spot
fuck court 4
we should be playing on court 2
that's OUR court
i'm so fucking pissed
my leg hurts so fucking bad and i wish i wasn't so broken
i've had a pulled muscle for like 2 months now
they aren't even good role models
they don't talk, they fight, and they just don't deserve that spot
me and joyce we talk all the time encouraging each other like a team should do
i cried i was so frustrated
all i was looking forward to this year was being one dubs
and that was stolen from me
NO number 2 is not just as good, yeah i'm in the lineup but this is bogus
the coach favors them for some odd reason cuz he likes attitude
wtf shouldn't he hate attitude? i hate how he has random favorites
me and joyce get absolutely no cred and the recognition we rightly deserve
he set it up so differently from last year
even kelci and manda don't even get a spot in the lineup!
he fucking gives no love for the seniors at all
it's just fucking bogus
the lineup is so screwed up and i'm pissed
tennis is so expensive too
and we did so much for this team but we get nothing in return.
fuck tennis.
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| Canada |
[22 Jul 2008|01:51pm] |
Man i love Canada
i love weddings
i love open bar
i love dancing
i love my family
mmmmmm all around good trip!
we left at like 3am on friday
i was super tired cuz i still went to tennis on thurs
went to chicago first cuz i rode with my cousin since there was no room in my car
since i was replaced with my brother, cj's girlfriend! ha but i like her
we drive to indiana then michigan where i like seeing that big tire
haha it's like a 13 hour trip total including all the breaks and stuff
we always eat at this one kfc for some reason, it's funny cuz the parents eat all the filipino food while there
it's a 3 hour drive while already in canada to get to our hotel cuz the wedding is in Hamilton, Ontario.
it's funny cuz my uncle and aunt do not trust the gps for some reason and get lost still.. ha
we always get a lottttt of Tim Hortons which would be greattt if i liked doughnuts but i like going there anyway
that night we ate a chinese buffet place and it was pretty goood
they had all this ice cream mmmmm
the adults all went to the casino when me and the cousins just went back to the hotel
i went swimming for a lil bit
it was a nice hotel!
the next day getting to the wedding was very confusing
hahah the cathedral was hugeee though and very pretty.
there was 520 people at this wedding (omg right?! so many!)
after when you take pictures, it started to rain really hard
how ironic right? hahah jk. (it's like rainnnnn on your wedding dayy)
for some odd odd reason my mom suggests we eat at hooters after the wedding
lol hahahah so we did! which i find hilarious
haha i love chicken though
it was funny all glammed up to go to hooters
the reception was at 5 and ate more food
it was goood though. haha had some more chicken lol
there was this cool ice sculpture where the martinis were poured out of
and it was delish! the open bar yummmm
haha sex on the beach how yummmy haha
there was a lotttt of speeches and sooo much foood
the couple did the tango which was so coool
and the father daughter dance was so cuuuute
some lady randomly talked to me when i got out of the bathroom
kinda scared me haha
i love dancing! dancing was very funnn
those canadians do no know how to do the cha cha slide though...
hahah we left around 1am ish cuz the parents were tired and stuff.
we checked out the hotel then went to my uncle's house for like an after party type thing
haha MORE CHICKEN WTF but after various foods
there's always a lot at filipino parties...
but it was funn being with all the fam and there's a lot of family i didn't know i had
like cousin in california? and cousins from austria? whatttt
haha the couple tried to convince my family to stay an extra day but =[[
the couple is my canadian cousin, donna and this jamaican guy named clayton magnus!
my other canadian cousin brought his girlfriend from london which was cool
we were scheduled to leave after we checked out but we went to the party
and then we drove to niagara falls
we went to this casino but i'm the only one not allowed to gamble since you have to be 16- to smoke, 18- to gamble 19- to drink in canada
damnnn i just missed it. haha but my cousin anna stayed with me
cuz i love anna marie and she loves meee lol
we left the casino around 8:30pm canada time
it's such a long ride back
going there and coming back me and my cousin gina named all 50 states and capitals
hahah what nerds
she names all the states while i named all the capitals
daoktas and carolinas are hard to remember mannn hah
i started getting really sleep deprived and out of it by the time we were in indiana
lol i got to my cousin's house around 7 ish and i stayed there and slept
i woke up and there was some brown's chicken bahahah wtf
then i just waited for my parents to pick me up that night
and now i'm back! but i miss canada
my family usually goes earlier or stays longer
canada is just good times
fun trip!
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[05 Jul 2008|01:17pm] |
ohshiiiiit
life is good
haahaha
it's finally started to feel more like summer to me
prob cuz all the dance parties
hiiiiigh five!
hahah tennis has been great
i went to springfield that was a fun time
we talked to all those tennis kids
those boys are so weird
haha i got a lil trophy even tho i lost some matches
i got a consolation trophy in the backdraw
yeahhhh
i love my friends
i can finally give up on you.
you didn't break my heart.
it's just bruised
but i'll get over it eventually
i can finally close this chapter in my life
you were a really big and important one
and i'll miss you and what i wanted you to be.
i can prob say more about my life and i kinda want to cuz i'll forget what i did when i look back
but haha i'll just say life is fun.
i'm going to canada soon for my cousin's wedding!
yeahhhhh
"I fly like paper, get high like planes" - Paper Planes, M.I.A
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| mannnn |
[28 Mar 2008|09:12am] |
i have so much energy and i went to bed at 2 something in the morning and woke up at like 8:30
WTF DUDEEE
hahahah i really shouldn't be allowed all that coffee at like midnight
i got like a sleepless night where i like rolled around the entire time
texting late at night is so much fun and i get so excited
to the point where i laugh and talk to myself and my grandma thinks i'm going crazy
as she passes by my room in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
the sun is shining and it is not snowing.
it's quite beautiful. i love the sun. it's reflecting off the mouse and it fills me with the prettiest feeling in a while.
haha i think i've finally come to terms and stop denying i like this one kid.
it's been a while since i've felt butterflies because of a person
it's the most exciting yet scary feeling to have
the kind where when he talks to you in the hall and just brushes your hand and you get this tingly feeling you can't control ya kno?
i wish i could do something. i'm really bad at hitting on guys though. plus he's my friend
but dude that's okay cuz life is good and you should believe in people.
believe in the good!
even when listening to sad music, there's this beauty in it and it makes me feel so good
hahah god i sound like i'm on drugs
and i actually have had quite a boring spring break too. watching youtube all day? yes, please.
i do wish the weather allowed me to play tennis though. oh i miss it so.
we have fun tennis parties still which is very cool. cuz we're all still so close and love each other.
it was nerdy themed. hahah we're coool. next one i have to dress like danny from grease. hahah
i played with the jv tennis boys with joyce last week though. ha and even ghetto tennis with no net.
i've done a lot of hanging out with my brother and his girlfriend
she sleeps over haha my mom is pretty mad about that
we watched horton hears a who which was really funny and cute!
bought enchanted which is such a lovely movie and full of happy!
we ate at olive garden too mmmm!
we went to wal-mart a lot like always
me and my bro went to jewel yesterday!
ohwowwww worst jewel experience ever hahaha i was spazzing out other like everything cuz we circled that place like 15 times. that was like one of first time i got to go out in a while so i was like socially retarded around people too. hahah
i saw ashlee for a lil bit so that made it better [hahahah]
i've been texting her like this entire break even tho i don't know her at all really haha
i'm trying to be a bad influence on her when we finally hang out
hahah i'm making her take me out on a date
oh! i also hung out with kim one random night
hahaha we drove around, just cruising around. it was so much fun
she's crazy haha we went and got pie! but only a slice cuz kimmm is weirddd and didn't wanna buy the whole pie when it was only like 3 dollars more...
we went to key lime cove just to use the bathroom haha so funny
then we just chilled at wendys for a while.
i don't usually hang out with kim by herself, so that was a very interesting time!
i'm semi sick now too dude wtfff? hahah my mom keeps calling me mono
saying that boys are dirtyy and i shouldn't make out with them whattttt?
haha this one boy called me at like 12:30 in the morning one night
haha i don't talk on the phone... so it was awkward and he was tired and sick
so i didn't know whyy he insisted on talking to me on the phone instead..
haha too hott for my own good! hahah jkkk
i've been talkin' to my cousin a lot lately. she's so coool to talk to and makes me like life more.
i like to ramble on and on about myself.
spring break is almost over and i feel like i haven't done anything i've wanted to do
i wish summer was here yet i miss people!
such good feelings i had to get out
maybe i can finally sleep now. haha
have a wonderful day and remember life is goood
listen to some jason mraz and hush sound!
good times!
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| Tinted Show |
[24 Feb 2008|01:24pm] |
Friday, February 22, 2008
First time performing in front of people other than my friends and family and on a stage by myself!
After school, I was pretty tired already and i was forced to take the bus so i was kinda cranky and tired.
But i took a shower and went to the rehearsal for the show at 4.
It takes a really long time for everything to start and i usually do not hang out with all the asians that much. So i felt kinda awkward. But later on it was cool.
It was kinda hectic and everybody was rushing. We set up everything and ran through the show. I got to talk to Monika who was the one helping out with the mics and all that. And caught up with what she was doing. She noticed that i wasn't the same crazy leilani as before. I was really chill and kinda tired to be honest.
As 6:30 comes we rushed through the rehearsals cutting off the last half of people's practices. At this time, I am like starving cuz i haven't eaten since school.
People start showing up and it sets in that people are gonna watch me! I see a lot of my friends wish me luck which was very coool and i'm glad they came. I swear half that place was my friends. hahah
Around 7:00 ish i have to wait in the space behind the auditorium and i finally get really nervous. I start pacing around and like i dunno. I see some people i know and they continue to talk to me. Even though, i hardly talk to them usually but it was nice to distract myself.
I finally like woke up and didn't feel so tired when it finally started.
I listen as the first act goes and i'm just like dancing along to the beat. And i wait by the stage. Making faces at Monika as the first act tries to go for high notes that she tries so hard to reach. I laugh to myself as i picture the one white girl just standing there in the rap. [during rehearsal i just wanted to shake her to like dance or something at least..]
I go to the stool they set for me and we put the mics and all that. I hear the emcees say they're listening to some LEILANI! haha and the curtains opened. And I heard many calls of my name which was very very coool to hear. I also saw some of my friends stand up which i found really really funny.
I really thought i said hi at least but i just started playing. Lol. The performance was pretty decent i hope! And i tried looking around at everybody. But I kept looking at the right cuz that's where i assumed most of my friends were. I saw some of them with their cell phones up. It made me smile as i played.
It was really cool to perform and it was really fun! I was supposed to wait til the curtains closed but I just like skipped off stage. hahah
I put my guitar down someplace because justin was gonna use my guitar later. And went to become part of the audience. Missing the girl dancing in the act after me. I have seen her do it twice before and yeah. I saw a lot of the performances before. Some of them were better in rehearsal. But it was a good show overall! I could probably reenact the whole show. Lol. Oh! And at first i was the only one who said "SPIN!" in Jay's performance cuz it woulda been bad if nobody said it, so i glad everybody caught on the second time around.
One kid in front who kept screaming i just wanted to like shoot him i swear. So annoying. And a major distraction to the show.
At the end i wasn't sure to go but i did anyway. And we said our thank yous. It was really exciting. And thank you for those that went! I appreciated it and plus you helped donate to Darfur too. Hope it was fun for the most part!
I wanted to get my guitar and leave but i couldn't find justin. [denise's performance was sooooo goood. she's like a wayyyy wayyy cooler me i swear. haha she's awesome]
i just like ran around in the hall behind the auditorium. Seeing some of my friends and got my "good job hugs!" haha yayy. i didn't get to see some of them though which sucks. Cuz i spent so much time getting my guitar.
My friends brought me an eggroll and other asian food which was very nice of them. Cuz they were having an asian night but i couldn't go so they gave me some food. And it was good cuz i was starving at this point!
Then me, joyce, and my family leave. We drop off my oldest brother [who was on the train when that lady died cuz she was hit by the amtrak, so he missed my performance and spent two hours on the train which sucks!] and my parents off.
So it was just me, chen and chris which is kinda weird! Hah. But it was pretty delicious. I loveeeee Tsukasa! And plus my brother treated and he paid which was nice! We finished around 10:45pm and we didn't wanna go home yet. So of course we went to Wal-mart. cuz that's just what we do. ha. And me and joyce just bought some life water. So tasty! And we dropped her off at midnight.
Yesterday i also hung out with joyce and mariana at mariana's house which was fun too! We played a lot of cards and watched movies like we always do. And we laugh nonstop. It's good times. Even though we like to pick on each other a lot.
So good weekend!
<3, Leilani Janine!
ps. the tinted show pamphlet thingy said "her song resonates with a beautiful harmony of her voice and guitar" LOL resonates.
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| you should def |
[21 Feb 2008|08:40pm] |
go to the tinted show tomorrow night!
i'm performing!
sweeeeeeeet
i'm playing on the guitar and singing
a song that i made and one that my brother did
tomorrow 7:00 at O'plaine
i'm the second act
yayyy
hopefully i don't suck
thank you and goodbye!
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